It's been a while, but the Mama make-over has been moving right along. Not exactly (or in anyway) as I thought it would, but obviously in a way that is meant to be. The journey is not easy or without pain, but it feels right. Although, it's kind of like being shaped and molded with a hammer and chisel!
My weight loss stalled when my mom died. Then, between raw grief and trying to figure out how to live life without my mom, business partner and right arm, I drugged myself with food. I gained back most of the 35 pounds I'd lost and felt like I had gained 50. The pounds definitely do not go back on the same way they came off! My blood pressure continued to rise, making it necessary to increase my medication, and I developed reactive hypoglycemia. I figured at least I didn't have diabetes and then I realized that reactive hypoglycemia is pre-diabetes! By June of this year I was 270 pounds, disgusted, scared about my health and still stuffing down every fear and negative feeling with food.
My weight wasn't my only problem. My daycare is not the same since my mom passed away. Between homeschooling Chloe, her health issues and medical appointments, it is impossible to work full-time. My husband's business was also struggling. He cut back on existing clients to pursue a new opportunity which didn't work out. I can't even tell you how many times I've been on my knees asking for help and guidance as my life continued to spin out of control.
I read inspirational books, borrowed motivational CDs from the library, cried and prayed. I felt hopeless. I have always been a "glass half-full" kind of gal, but it felt like I was being pushed to my limit. I told myself that I was doing everything I could to make a positive change in my life. But, I knew in my heart and soul that this wasn't the truth.
One day I was listening to a Caroline Myss CD in the car. She said if you ask yourself a question and listen for the immediate answer (without taking time to alter it and make it more comfortable!) you will get an answer you need. She said you know what you need to do in life. So, I asked myself what I needed to do. LOSE WEIGHT. Okay, well that was a no brainer. Then I started thinking about it. Losing weight and taking care of my body is something I can control. And, losing weight would make me feel better physically and definitely mentally. My life could only get better if I started taking care of my body and health. It would also be stepping out in faith and doing everything in my power to improve my life and believing that the rest would be revealed in time. I kept thinking of that line from Field of Dreams, "If you build it, he will come", except I heard, "if you lose it, it will come" . So, on July 15, 2013, I started my very last diet!
Today, I have lost 46 pounds, I'm exercising regularly, and I feel like a new person. It didn't happen overnight, but I held on to my faith and refused to give up. I've made a commitment to myself and I am going to honor it! There's a beautiful bright light and so much possibility shining at the end of my once very dark tunnel!